Tips and Tricks to Stop Smoking.

D o you want to quit smoking too? Have you already? Well I want to quit more than anything — believe me. I’ve been smoking cigarettes for around 3 years, not long compared to the 60 year olds with no teeth, but I still long to quit.

My motivation is not to be healthier, or slow the aging process or even to avoid a young death — frankly my dear I don’t give a damn about any of that.

I apologise if you opened this article looking for wisdom or comfort — I offer none of that. All I offer is harmoniously crafted words with an anti-climactic conclusion.

Because, I love smoking; to me every drag is 40ccs of pure cortisol reduction. Every puff sparks the nucleus accumbens as if it were the 4th night of November.

I love it.

My motivation to quit this tar tarnished tranquillity is because of my new-founded, wide-eyed nephew.

I hate children; especially babies. They’re slimy, messy and altogether inconsiderate. However, my nephew is absolutely charming even without verbal communication!

See, my uncle died around the Christmas of 2019, (HoHoHo) and my abroad upbringing meant that I met him just prior to his death.

I want my nephew and I to have the bond which I wish I could have had. I want to be the person he calls when he’s been arrested, if someone broke his heart or if he needs someone to tell him to follow his dreams.

Chirping birds, and fresh air; oh to enjoy nautres wonderful bounties. I long for a world in which I can wake up and not hate the taste of fresh air.

Ivan Pavlov would be so proud of how we have conditioned ourselves to death through media. Freud would have said that we were stuck in the oral stage of psychosexual development, or that we wanted to perform fellatio on our Fathers or something.

Yet here I am: Knowing it will cause my premature death, knowing that it will cause unforeseeable health issues, knowing that it drains my wallet.

K nowing that I will not stop smoking.

Simply because I love it.